his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
