the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
