Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
