its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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