pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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