I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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