Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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