I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
