Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
