Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
