Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
