so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
