Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
