Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
