Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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