Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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