I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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