No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
