Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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