it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
