you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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