when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
