i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
