does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
