we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
