My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
