There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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