Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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