It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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