May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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