My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
God I need to hump something, right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
