his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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