I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
