im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
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