im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
