If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
