come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
