is your mom at the bar?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
