if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh god it's open bar.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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