I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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