I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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