drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
