Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
