and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
