he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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