Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
