So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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