we have officially lost it.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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