you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
