My balls are so social today.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
