Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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