I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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