She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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