Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i permit you to call me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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