Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
