It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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