we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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