I'm gonna have a badass scar
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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